Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
