Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
