if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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