I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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