The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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