I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
