DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
