if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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