Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
