discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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