eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
