I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
