Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
