I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
