I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
