I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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