remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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