YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
