omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
