It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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