Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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