Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
