Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize