Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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