At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
