Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We named our party play list daddy issues
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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