So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
