you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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