I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
