I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
