we have officially lost it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
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