I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
