I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
