so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
