I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
