you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
