i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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