dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Congratulations! We have a period
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
