I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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