I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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