I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
