Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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