and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
