took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
