Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
