Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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