and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
