Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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