He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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