When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
