puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
