Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i think my mom watched the whole time
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
