My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
