That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sorry about my life...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
