hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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