Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
