at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
