This is not my ceiling
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
