He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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