Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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