I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
