So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
