Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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