Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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