i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize