We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
