so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dick very happy bro
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
