I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
