Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
