the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
