Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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