I'm lost and stupid without you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
