I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
