mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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