dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
