weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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