If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
