Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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