You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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