What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
