Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize