If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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