Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
