I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
