cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
