Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
