just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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