R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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