my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
