So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
...so i touched it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
