I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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