I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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